"I have some half-baked ideas in my head about Yom Kippur, the Kohen Gadol and loneliness vs. aloneness.
I imagine this time for the Kohen Gadol was a time of aloneness. 7 days before he leaves his home, his family, his community. He goes away and there he is getting into the mode of Yom Kippur. Practicing the sacrifices.
His visitors are members of the Sanhedrin coming to tell him more about the service he is preparing for. He is slowly preparing himself for the time where he will be alone with God as well as, preparing to be the one to pray on behalf of all the people.
I think that what gives him the ability to spend all that time alone is the knowledge that he has somewhere to go after. He has a community to return to. He has a family to return to. He will not continue his sequestered life forever.
And to that I think about the great potential feeling of aloneness that can happen on Yom Kippur. There is quite a bit of time where one is in silent prayer; where we are supposed to be thinking about ourselves; where we are supposed to be reflective. And I think about the times where there is no chance of leaving that space of aloneness. Where there is no sense of group prayer. Where there is no feeling of community. When there isn't family and friends to go to. When it is just being sequestered alone (or at least feeling that way).
So what can the message be -- maybe it is a time to look around us and see who is in need of community, friends and the sense of family. Maybe it means reaching out to those who we were close to but somehow lost touch. Maybe it is recognizing that the time for personal prayer or self reflection can feel really difficult - and not because one is afraid of what one will see, but because it is something that happens on a constant basis, and someone feels the need to share out loud, with another person, to feel that they are connected and connecting.
G'mar Chatima Tova, may we have a meaningful Yom Kippur and be signed and sealed in the Book of Life."
I have been reminded of this, which I wrote last year - where I was writing about aloneness and loneliness. And now I think of this year, where so many of us will be alone on Yom Kippur. Where we are not going to be with our families or friends or communities. Where we have not been with our families or friends or communities for months - and it is unsure when we will be able to be back.
We don't have that experience of the Kohen Gadol knowing that his time in isolation will end, and end on a specific day. We don't know when we will be reunited.
But maybe this year too, we can learn from the Kohen Gadol. We can learn about how to pray not only for ourselves but also for ourselves. We can learn how to take this day and make for it our own, with the rituals and prayers that have been given to us. We can learn that we are able to create the holiness, the awesomeness, the heaviness, and the lightness of the day.
For those who are allowed to fast, fast. For those who need to eat, eat. For both, this is how the mitzvah of the day is fulfilled.
Take time to pray and sing. Pray from your heart and soul. Pray for as long or a little is right. Take breaks when you need them. Sing the songs that you love most from shul. Sing the tunes you always wish they would do in shul. Sing the tunes that you make up, that perhaps no one else knows.
Take the time to read. Read the words of the prayers- as fast or as slow as you want to. Read the words of the prayers in the language you understand the best. Read the words of the prayers in the language that makes it feel like Yom Kippur. Read other things - books, articles, poetry that you feel connect to the day.
Take the time to reflect. Look to the past and look towards the future. Look at your life. Look at the life of your loved ones. Look at your community. Look at your country. Look at the world.
Cry if you want. Laugh if you want. Dance if you want. Hum if you want. Scream if you want. Sit and ‘just’ breath if you want. Do all the above and more.
As the Kohen Gadol would say: 'May it be Your will, Hashem our God and the God of our forefathers, that this year coming upon us be a year of light, a year of blessing, a year of mirth, a year of pleasure, a year of glory, a year of good assembly, a year of song, a year of delight, a year of goodness, a year that is blessedly dewy and rainy, a year of salvation, a year of sustenance, a year of learning, a year of contentment, a year of consolation, a year of joy, a year of exultation, a year of redemption, a year of cheerfulness, a year of upright pride, a year of the ingathering of exiles, a year of acceptance of prayer, a year of favour, a year of peace, a year of satiety, a year in which You will lead us in upright pride to our land, a year in which You inscribe us for a good life, a year in which Your people are not dependent for a livelihood, a year in which you restrain plague and destruction from upon us, a year in which no woman will miscarry the fruits of her womb.' (from the Yom Kippur Mussaf)
May you have a meaningful Yom Kippur and g'mar chatima tova.
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